I like eating canned cat food. But I prefer the adult one more than the kitten one

Everytime I look at a couple , cant help to imagine how long they been together , if they've had sex and how .. I know im weird.

I have an irrational fear that if I leave a girl she will kill me. So when I have to dump someone I try doing something stupid so that she thinks I'm not worth it. That way I don't have to go through breaking up procedures, plus she has no reason to kill me.

every time I fart and im about to sleep , I always put my head under the covers I cant help it .

Sometimes when everyone has gone to sleep, i like to strip off my clothes, cover myself in Vaseline, and slide around the floor like a slug

I wish the female teachers at my school were like the ones on brazzers.

Sometimes, I pretend to be a whale.